Disgusting, isn’t it? John Lewis’s shocking Christmas advert is actually about … shopping

Where’s the lonely man on the moon? Where’s the plaintive piano ballad sung by a wan Victorian girl? This year’s John Lewis ad is packed with unforgivable sins

Well, this is an outrage. There are just some things you shouldn’t mess with. Roast dinners. The national anthem. The John Lewis Christmas advert.

You see, the John Lewis Christmas advert has long operated on a perfect formula. Every November we are treated to a sumptuous mini-movie, the components of which have long since lapsed into tradition. It must be festive. It must have a slowed down piano ballad cover version of a nostalgic pop song. It must also be unfathomably sad, either because it’s about an old man dying of loneliness on the moon (2015) or a Christmas tree being banished to the garden because it’s a bit too excitable (2023).