‘The sheer ineptitude has been staggering’: what we learned from The Celebrity Traitors

Alan Carr achieved national treasure status, the hierarchies of fame were laid bare and Celia Imrie proved an accomplished banshee. Why were they all so useless at the round table, though? Read on …

‘Why is it always me? I’ve always got to do the dirty work for these traitors. I’m surprised they haven’t got me up in that turret with a hoover!” Yes, it is always you, Alan Carr. And most people watching The Celebrity Traitors wouldn’t have it any other way. But even aside from observing Carr’s ascent to national treasure status, The Celebrity Traitors has felt like a timely national bonding experience from start to finish. Elon Musk is adamant that civil war in the UK is inevitable. Sorry, Elon, but not during The Celebrity Traitors it isn’t. We’re all too busy watching Celia Imrie screech into a well.

So what have we learned? The Celebrity Traitors has, of course, been a very different experience from its civilian iteration. On the most basic level, it has felt easier to pick a favourite and root for them. And, while £100,000 is a lot of money to someone on the national median wage, it’s pocket change to the likes of Stephen Fry and Jonathan Ross. Of course, the celebrity winner(s) aren’t getting the dosh anyway, with the winnings going to charity – but in any case, there has been a strong sense that this has been entirely about the fun parlour game rather than the winning.